Concussion and Contentment by Liz Faraim

Author:Liz Faraim [Faraim, Liz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: LGBTQIA+, Contemporary, family-drama, interracial, lesbian, polyamorous, ex-military, bartender, Christmas, New Year, established couple
Publisher: NineStar Press, LLC
Published: 2021-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fourteen

After making quick phone calls to Bear and Jared to let them know I was back home in Sacramento, I met with Alexia to debrief. As I gave her a high-level overview, my throat grew tight. I drew in a shuddering breath and looked down at my shoes, my words petering off.

“That’s quite a week you’ve had, Vivian. What would you like to focus on today?”

“Well, I don’t like that this crazy level of anxiety has boiled up. I thought I was past this. I mean, I get it that big things are happening, like losing my fucking…uh, losing my job. Sorry.”

She shook her head gently, forgiving the profanity.

“Go on.”

“Okay, but what the hell is wrong with me that I can’t just take a road trip and enjoy myself? I nutted up on the first day and crawled home with my tail between my legs.”

I raised my hand to my mouth to bite a hangnail but tucked my hand under my thigh instead.

“You ask what the hell is wrong with you, and my initial thought is that there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, given the circumstances not just of the last few weeks, but of your entire life, I’d say you are doing pretty darn well. But what I want you to consider is why you think the anxiety is back. And what’s underneath the anxiety?”

I was kind of hoping she would tell me, rather than make me figure it out. I looked past her, out of the window behind her chair. The building across the street was still under construction, as it had been for years, and I watched as a carpenter scuttled along the scaffolding. He had a job.

“I’m pissed off at losing my job. I loved that job. It isn’t just about no longer having a paycheck coming in, but the club was my social circle too. I am friends with some of my coworkers, and I enjoyed my regular customers coming by to tell me about their lives. And then, bam, gone. I guess I’m mostly angry about how it happened. Just a total blindside.”

I gave up watching the carpenter and went back to looking at Alexia, who was as patient and serene as always. I had a squirming tightness in my chest, and tears threatening to rise up, so I closed my eyes and homed in on whatever it was that I was feeling. After a moment of digging around, I figured it out, but I didn’t think I could say it without crying, and I didn’t want to cry in front of Alexia. I kept my eyes closed and lowered my head.

“I think I figured it out,” I said quietly, and cleared my throat.

“Go ahead. It’s okay, Vivian.”

I clenched my eyes closed even harder and tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. “I, uh, I think I’m upset because I feel…rejected.” The word rolled off my tongue and I snapped my lips shut, stifling a sob. I took a deep breath and waited a few seconds before going on.

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